A little over a year ago, I stepped into full time ministry, and I can honestly say that I did not simply change careers, I stepped into a completely different world.

For many years, I lived in environments where outcomes were visible and measurable. You plan, you execute, and you see results. Ministry refuses to work that way, it cannot be reduced to deliverables, it has its own pace, its own weight, and its own hiddenness. It also has a way of exposing parts of you that you did not even know were still unfinished.

That is one reason I decided to read The Pastor by Eugene Peterson (as recommended by Pastor Dennis Sy). Eugene Peterson does not write like someone trying to impress you, he writes like someone trying to rescue you. He challenges the noise, the performance, and the temptation to turn ministry into a religious version of success. Reading him felt like being gently but firmly reminded that pastoral work is not built for applause. Pastoral work is built for people, and pastoral work is built for God.

I am still learning the ropes, and many days I feel like I am learning them for the first time.

I am learning how to study Scripture properly. I am not only learning how to gather ideas, but I am learning how to listen. I am not only learning how to prepare sermons, but I am learning how to be formed by the Word. I am learning how to preach, not merely to speak well, but to speak faithfully. I am also learning how to relate with my senior pastor and how to interact with other pastors and staff in our church. I am learning how to appreciate the culture of our church community, and I am learning how to serve within it with humility.

This journey has made me hungry, and it is the kind of hunger that sends you to books because you realize you need more than your instincts. That is why I found myself reading authors like N.T. Wright, Scot McKnight, and Tim Keller, among others. The more I read and the more I study, the more I realize that I am barely scratching the surface. There is so much depth in Scripture, there is so much wisdom in the history of the church, there is so much beauty in faithful theology handled with reverence and restraint. It is humbling, but it is a good kind of humbling because it keeps me in my proper place as a learner under the Word.

One of the themes that keeps coming back in Eugene Peterson’s book is that pastoral life is deeply relational. Pastoral ministry is about being with people long enough to see what is real, patient enough to work with what is slow, and prayerful enough to trust what only God can do. That is also where I find my greatest joy, and that is also where I sometimes feel my greatest frustration.

Discipleship is not clean, it is intricate, it is personal, it is unpredictable and at times very messy. Sometimes you see growth that is unmistakable, and sometimes you see patterns that keep resurfacing. Sometimes you sit with someone who has been walking with God for years and still feels fragile inside. Sometimes you meet someone new in the faith and you are reminded of how powerful grace is. You meet people who are at the heart of the church community, and you meet people at the edges of it where life is messy and faith is tender. In those moments, I realize again that ministry is not about fixing people, ministry is about loving people while God is forming them, and myself.

That is easy to say, but it is not always easy to live.

There are days when I want everything to move faster, I want breakthroughs that come on demand, I want growth that can be charted, I want discipleship to look like a straight line. Ministry keeps reminding me that people are not projects, people are not spreadsheets and spiritual formation rarely follows a neat sequence. Ministry teaches you to honor the slow work of God.

Every now and then, I think about time. I entered full time ministry in my very late fifties. Some people start young and have decades ahead of them. I am grateful for the years God gave me in the marketplace, and I do not regret them. At the same time, I feel the reality that I may not have as much time left in full time ministry as others do. Sometimes that thought comes with a quiet ache… it does not come with despair, but it does come with sobriety.

When I bring that to the Lord, I find something surprising, I find excitement. God is not limited by our timelines, God is not anxious about our age, God does not measure calling the way we measure it, God redeems years, God multiplies what looks small and God makes later seasons meaningful, not because we become more impressive, but because we become more surrendered.

This is a journey worth taking.

One shift I am especially grateful for is that ministry is deepening my love for Scripture and prayer. Ministry is teaching me to value the Word not just for sermon preparation, but for soul formation. Ministry is teaching me to pray not merely for outcomes, but for intimacy with God. Ministry is teaching me that the most important work I do is not what people see on Sundays, but what God does in me on ordinary days. Eugene Peterson keeps pulling me back to the truth that the pastor’s work is not primarily public, it is deeply personal, it is shaped in prayer and it is sustained through a long obedience.

I need that reminder because the temptations are real, the temptation to perform is real, the temptation to impress is real, the temptation to stay busy enough to feel important is real. Scripture and prayer do not merely make us effective, scripture and prayer keep us honest.

Ministry also shapes the family. My immediate family is learning to live with my vocation. The schedules are different, the emotional load is different, the interruptions are different. There are moments when I am physically present but mentally carrying someone else’s burden in prayer. There are Sundays that require more of me than I expected and there are transitions that require adjustments from all of us. I am grateful, not because it is always easy, but because it is sacred. We are learning together what it means to participate in God’s kingdom, and we are learning how our lives and priorities must be re-centered around Jesus.

Writing has become one of the ways I process what is happening inside me. Sometimes I write and I wonder if anyone reads it and often times I write and I suspect the writing is mainly for me. I have learned that writing is not just output, writing is a way of naming what God is doing, and it is a way of offering what is in my heart back to Him. If what I write ends up encouraging someone, whether a church member or someone who has been in ministry longer than I have, then I thank God for that. Encouragement is never wasted.

I also find joy in being able to support my senior pastor. I find joy in being able to strengthen the staff team in whatever way I can. I find joy in quietly carrying burdens with them and for them. Ministry can be heavy, and sometimes people do not need another critique. Sometimes they need a reminder that God is faithful, that God is present, and that God is still at work.

At the end of the day, I keep returning to this. My ministry is not about building my name, my ministry is about participating in His Kingdom. I am learning my place in God’s story, I am learning to embrace the transitions that come with ministry rather than resist them. I am learning to become a pastor not by title, but by formation, slowly and imperfectly, but sincerely.

Even if I do not have much time left in full time ministry, I am excited about what the Lord has in store. The joy is not in having a long runway, the joy is in walking faithfully on the runway God gave you. It is a step by step obedience with Scripture open, with prayer rising, with people loved, and with your heart anchored in Jesus.

I am still learning, I am still adjusting, I am still barely scratching the surface, but I would not trade this journey. Do keep me in your prayers.