I have been thinking a lot about why many marriages are breaking apart today. Annulments seem to be increasing in the Philippines, and what used to carry a heavy stigma has now become more socially accepted.

But the question still remains: why do marriages end?

How can two people who once loved each other deeply end up resenting, avoiding, or even hating each other? How did “till death do us part” become something many people say at the altar but no longer seriously fight for when life becomes difficult?

I think one major reason is that we now live in a very individualistic age. Everything around us tells us to pursue our own happiness, protect our own peace, follow our own dreams, and insist on our own rights. Those things may sound harmless, but when brought into marriage without wisdom, humility, and surrender to God, they can become very dangerous.

Marriage was never designed by God to be two individuals merely sharing a house, expenses, and children while still pursuing separate kingdoms. Marriage is a covenant, it is a union and it is two becoming one. God’s plan for marriage is not merely companionship, convenience, or romance… it is a sacred partnership where husband and wife learn to love, serve, forgive, submit, sacrifice, build, and reflect something of Christ’s love for His people.

I firmly believe that marriage cannot survive on feelings alone. Feelings change, circumstances change, income changes, health changes, priorities change. But, covenant must be stronger than convenience.

I have heard many speakers, counselors, and even preachers say that money is the number one cause of separation by a factor of 4:1. While money is definitely a major concern in many breakups, there is very little factual data to support that specific claim. Many studies would put money among the leading causes of marital conflict, along with communication problems, infidelity, wrong expectations, intimacy issues, and lack of commitment, but not necessarily number one, and certainly not by a factor of 4:1. Sorry to burst the bubble of some speakers, counselors, and preachers, but we really need to double-check our facts before repeating popular claims.

Still, while money may not always be the leading cause, it is definitely one of the biggest pressure points in marriage. Money has a way of exposing the true condition of the heart. It reveals our fears, priorities, insecurities, desires, habits, and even our view of God.

I am not a marriage expert, and I have no problem admitting that I can still be clueless when it comes to keeping a “perfect” marriage. Just ask my wife! But after three and a half decades of being together, my wife and I have survived many challenges, and many of those challenges had financial dimensions. By God’s grace, we are still here, still learning, still growing, and still believing that God is faithful.

Here are some suggestions married couples can consider when it comes to finances in marriage.

1. Communicate and be transparent.

I find it disturbing that many married couples are not aware of each other’s financial situation. Some do not know how much the other earns. Some do not know how much debt they have, some hide purchases, some hide loans and some even maintain completely separate financial lives while wondering why trust is slowly eroding.

Even the law recognizes that marriage brings union, including finances. Unless there is a valid prenuptial agreement, marriage generally brings with it shared responsibility and shared ownership. But more than the legal side, there is a spiritual and relational issue. How can two become one when major parts of their lives are hidden from each other?

Income, expenses, debt, assets, obligations, and financial goals must be discussed honestly. Many conflicts come from false assumptions. A wife may be hoping for a better family lifestyle, assuming her husband’s income can sustain it, only to later discover that it cannot. A husband may be making plans, unaware of financial pressures his wife has been carrying quietly. Transparency helps manage expectations and builds trust.

Marriage requires truth. Without truth, there can be no real unity.

2. Plan together.

My wife and I often remind married coupls that budgeting should be a conjugal exercise. It should not be one spouse controlling everything while the other remains clueless, nor should it be two people spending independently without a shared direction.

A couple should sit down and talk about income, expenses, savings, giving, debt payments, family needs, and long-term goals. They should agree on priorities and decide together how limited resources will be used.

Once a budget is set, both husband and wife must respect it. Of course, there should be flexibility because life happens, but flexibility is different from irresponsibility. A budget is not meant to imprison a couple. It is meant to bring order, peace, and stewardship.

Planning together is not just a financial discipline, it is an act of unity.

3. Practice family financial planning.

Marriage is not just about surviving the next payday. Couples must learn to think long-term.

Build an emergency fund, save and invest for the future, get adequate life insurance, especially if people depend on your income., prepare for retirement. Further, avoid being buried in consumer debt, if you need to take a major loan, such as a home loan, talk about it seriously, pray about it, and seek wise counsel.

Many couples fight about money because they only react to financial problems when they are already in crisis. Wisdom prepares before the crisis comes.

Financial planning is not a lack of faith. It is part of faithful stewardship.

4. Practice stewardship.

At the heart of many financial conflicts is a failure to understand stewardship. When husband and wife both believe that everything they have ultimately belongs to the Lord, it changes the way they handle money.

Money is no longer just “my income” or “your income.” It becomes God’s provision entrusted to the family. The question is no longer simply, “What do I want?” but “Lord, how do You want us to manage what You have entrusted to us?”

My wife Mia would often say that we are married for a mission. I love that because it reminds us that marriage is not merely about building comfort, accumulating assets, or pursuing our own dreams. Marriage is about serving God’s purposes together. Our finances, therefore, must also serve the mission God has entrusted to us as husband and wife.

Stewardship brings accountability. We become accountable to each other and, more importantly, accountable to God.

This is especially important in our individualistic culture. The world says, “My money, my rules.” But biblical marriage says, “God’s resources, God’s purposes, shared responsibility, and a shared mission.”

5. Learn from other couples.

This is not just about money management, this is about marriage itself.

Find mentors, learn from couples who have walked ahead of you. Choose those who are godly and with a good track record, not merely those who speak well or appear successful from the outside. You do not need to learn everything by painful experience. Marriage is too important to experiment with recklessly.

Wise couples ask for help before things fall apart. Proud couples usually wait until the damage is already deep. There is no shame in seeking counsel. In fact, it is often a sign of humility and wisdom.

And here is my most cherished reminder for married couples: keep the Lord at the center of your marriage.

A marriage centered on self will eventually become exhausting. A marriage centered on money will become anxious. A marriage centered on romance alone will become fragile. But a marriage centered on Christ has a foundation stronger than emotions, seasons, and circumstances.

God’s design for marriage is beautiful, but it requires surrender. It requires dying to self. It requires choosing covenant over convenience, service over selfishness, forgiveness over pride, and unity over individualism.

Marriage is not easy. But by God’s grace, it can be good, it can be fruitful, it can be a testimony and it can become a small picture of God’s covenant love in a world that desperately needs to see faithful love again.

“If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.”

Job 36:11, NIV